Oh, love ! This uncontrollable feeling that pushes us into the arms of a person who seems to correspond totally to our ideal and who brings together all the qualities we seek to be happy in life. And once we fall in love with this type of person, everything looks more beautiful. Life is more fulfilling and your goals take on a whole new meaning. We are therefore in agreement on one fact: there is nothing stronger than this feeling felt in finding the right person. Yet, in the eyes of others, this statement is not always true.
In addition to being uncontrollable, love is unpredictable. And it happens sometimes (not to say often) that Mr. Cupidon arrows his arrows to target two people who are separated by great differences: age among others. It’s not uncommon to end up with someone who’s one, two or even ten years older (or less) than us. Certainly, love with a big A is present. But we are not going to deceive ourselves, it is a difficult situation to live and manage. In our day, that does not matter to us. Unfortunately, the eyes of others are very heavy.
Like it or not, the age difference is a subject that has been pouring inks since the dawn of time. And today, more than ever, you have to find a way to go beyond what people are saying around you. Between jokes of bad taste about the nature of your relationship, the scornful look of all the people you meet on the street, this relationship is doomed to fail for others. However, if you feel that you are really happy with this person, I suggest you discover some techniques to live well this difference in age.
What is the age difference in a couple?
Before even attacking the main lines, it is important that we put ourselves on the same wavelength. To begin, know that the notion of age difference is quite subjective . To prove it, I invite you to question your entourage. For example, ask your colleagues about the acceptable age gap for living with a partner, according to them. You will soon realize that the answers are very different from one person to another.
At each perception an answer
For some, the difference in age is already very important from 5 years. While for others, even if ten years separate two lovers, it is not yet necessary to make a whole cheese. Since each person has their own vision of things and their own life principles, it is quite difficult to determine exactly from what age the difference is acceptable or not. According to my own studies, women are more permissive about it. Indeed, based on the average, the latter set a larger limit, between 8 and 12 years of acceptable difference. On the other hand, the men are numerous to remain on the fateful limit of 5 to 10 years.
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Does age really matter?
A decade is therefore a limit not to cross in terms of age difference according to its results. But in my opinion, this is not a good criterion to take into account to define if two people can live together a lasting relationship or not. Even though we live in a world that always takes age into consideration, I say that your date of birth should not be a hindrance to your happiness. On the other hand, your way of thinking and your way of life matters enormously. Let me explain: you can be fifty, but have the same philosophy of life as a woman of 30 years. As long as you’re on the same wavelength, I really do not see any problem.
Everything is a matter of taste
For some, age, as well as the color of the eyes, the size, the measurements or the musical preferences is a criterion of choice of the right partner. But of course, these criteria are not the same for everyone. It is therefore mainly a matter of taste . If for you blondes are very attractive, for your neighbor it can be brown. If for my friend nothing beats muscular men, for my colleague size is the only element on which she can not close her eyes. Each person has his own definition of the perfect man and woman. And since tastes and colors should not be discussed, age, which is one of many criteria, should not be a topic to put on the table.
The age difference: the pros and cons
Before embarking on this relationship, it is important to weigh the pros and cons. But if you are reading this article, I hope you are no longer in a position to see things as they really are. To help you see things more clearly, I decided to highlight the positive and negative aspects of this situation. Afterwards, you can proudly say that you have already considered all facets of the story before you start.
To begin, here are the positive sides:
- Give the other what he does not have
If the age difference is not a problem for some couples, it’s simply because they knew how to establish the right balance of life. It is simple, the older of the two brings his philosophy of life, his experience as well as his ability to be unshakable despite the vagaries of life. On the other hand, the youngest brings a breath of fresh air to the life of a couple. Whatever, this situation may be the opposite, because I know several fifties who remained fanciful and twenties who have an assuage spirit.
- Live more intensely
When we realize the age difference we have, the first thing we can do is to be able to live a century together. This situation makes us enjoy the most of our life together. So, small arguments do not matter. All that matters is to live your life day by day and to be happy.
- Learn what tolerance is
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Training an atypical couple is the best way to learn to see the world in another way. Given the “difference” that you have to deal with on a daily basis, it is easier for you to have an open mind and especially to understand that it is not always necessary to be alike in every respect to live happily. We therefore become less limited in the face of a person different from us or those who have ideas that diverge from ours.
- Do not be afraid of commitment
Do you know what’s holding back most couples composed by young people? This fear of commitment. The simple word “marriage” can make some people turn around. While sharing one’s life “forever” with a man may be enough to scare youngsters into fear. This is not the case when you live in a relationship with someone older than you. The latter is less resistant to this question.
Then see all the negative sides of this relationship:
- Consider the other as a surrogate mother or father
In all relationships, there are rules to respect to make a couple stronger. If you share your life with a person with whom you have a large age gap, do not let your lack control your relationship. Let me explain, if it is because you are desperately looking for a father that you are seduced by this man who is a decade older than you, it is not even worth embarking on this relationship that is decidedly doomed to failure.
- Live with the heavy eyes of others
You are happy together and everything makes you think it’s your soul mate. It is very good ! But that’s not enough for a lasting relationship. Indeed, whether you like it or not, the eyes of others will not spare you. You must be able to face all the remarks that can make your entourage. And I’m not going to lie to you, the perfidious remarks and replicas will be talking about everywhere.
- Seeing the future differently
It’s not always easy to tune your violins when the songs that rocked our teens are not the same. In addition to musical tastes, you may also have other small problems in the perception of the future. When going out with a girl or a young man, projects can turn around a baby, a wedding, etc. On the other hand, older people tend to see things differently. For example, they will want to do everything to enjoy life and nothing else.
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Some tips for managing the age difference in a couple
Now that you have a better understanding of what you have embarked on, it is time to tackle more serious things. To flourish in a lasting and fulfilling relationship, it is essential to understand how to manage this age difference on a daily basis .
1- The eyes of others you will not care
I admit, it’s really harder to say than to do. In your daily life, there will always be this person who will offer his opinion or judgment on your way of life and your life as a couple. A young woman who goes out with an older man will be considered a diamond freak. A young man who goes out with a woman more mature than him will be pointed out. In short, you will face many prejudices in everyday life. But let me tell you the more importance you place on it, the more it will hurt you. Let people say what they want and live your life as you see fit. As long as you are happy, everything is fine in the best of all worlds.
2- The self-deprecation you will have
That’s right, your girlfriend was not in college yet when you knew what love is. That’s right, you already had your first job when your man was still passing his baccalaureate. Is this really a problem? I do not think so. Instead of worrying about it, it’s better to take that kind of anecdote as a joke. Be adept at self-mockery and know how to draw a positive side to every situation. Dramatizing this situation will automatically create tension in your relationship. And I assure you it’s not what you want.
3- The vision of the other you will respect
Are you older than your spouse? You do not have to tell him that you know life better than him, that you have more experiences in certain cases or that you are more mature. Are you younger than your spouse? No need to tell him that you are stronger, that you are more connected or that you have a better memory. In this relationship, you have to accept the other person as he is. Above all, do not blame him for living or seeing things differently. On the contrary, these small differences can be the strength of your couple.
4- An offbeat sexuality, you will accept
Sexuality is not a detail in your life as a couple . Given the age difference, your older partner may not have the same performance as when you were young. If you are a man, it is also very possible that your partner has a desire decline because of menopause. You must therefore show the maximum of understanding in this situation. And whatever you do, it’s always important to consider each other’s needs and expectations.